real talk

Dear You,

After a long weekend of driving and wedding festivities, I am content to sit here and watch the rain, fourth cup of coffee in my hand because that's allowed on Mondays.

Can I tell you a secret? Last week was miserable for me. Like, dark night of the soul kind of miserable. As Anne of Green Gables would say, I was "in the depths of despair."

Okay, it wasn't that bad.

Not trying to be all dramatic here. But it was hard.

As many of you know, I moved across North Carolina five months ago with my husband, and still haven't found a stable job. What's worse it that I don't even know what kind of job I'm looking for, which leads me to all those awful, "What is the purpose of my life?" thoughts. I was cranky and lonely and even a little jealous of my husband, who is living his dream job and actually interacting with people during the day.

Even worse, I was completely stuck in my novel-writing, convinced that I should just give up because nothing will ever come of it, anyway.

Is this whiny and depressing? Bear with me.

So I was reading a book by the fantastic Julia Cameron, and the book was, ironically, about being in  a slump, creative and otherwise. And she said that artists, in particular, are tempted to get "drunk on anxiety", a state in which it is impossible to move forward in almost every area of life.

Drunk on anxiety.

I finally had a name to what I was experiencing. It was time for me to sober up and let God back in.

So today, I am taking small steps. I am going to write words that encourage others (and, let's be honest, myself) and look for God in the small things. In the book, Cameron talks about finding God in cleaning, in baking bread, in washing her hair. I love that. Because though it sounds silly and simple, but it's not as silly as wallowing in self-pity on the couch and wondering where God is.

I'm setting out to find Him today. I hope you do, too.


Love,

H