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I worked at Anthropologie for nine months, right up to almost the end of the summer. It was as magical and fragrant as you would imagine. I wore cardigans and vintage dresses and red lipstick to my shifts. I told women how fabulous they looked when they came out of the dressing room, assuring them that they absolutely did look like Kate Middleton in that cream coat. I sewed orange slices together for displays. I ate lavendar espresso cheese at employee parties. I had coworkers with names like Oceana, Holland, Amelie, Mittens. (That is a true story.) I'd never been so inspired by a job.
Unfortunately the hours sucked. And so when I was offered a job cleaning houses, I almost had no choice but to accept. I needed a more steady income, even if that meant trading my Chanel perfume for bleach and tile scrub.
So that's what I'm doing now. I clean houses. It pays much better than Anthro and I'm grateful for it, I know God put it in my path at just the right time. But, can I be honest for a minute? It's brought up a lot of crud I didn't know I had lurking around me. Like pride.
I don't mind the cleaning. It's strange for me to be all up in a stranger's personal business, and I don't enjoy it, but it's fine. It's hard work that I can do and then be done with. But when people ask what I do, I want to crawl under the table. Because this isn't really me, I'm not really a housecleaner! I went to college! And I get all weird about it.
I would so love to say that I'm getting over it, that I've found my identity in Christ alone and that I don't care about impressing people or feeling smart. But I struggle with it every day, every time I snap on those rubber gloves. Because let's face it, this isn't what I had envisioned my twenty-five year old self doing.
I get it. It's a job and I'm making money and that's all that matters. There are so, so many people who would love just to be able to say that. God is providing. And also teaching me a lot, a lot of things I'm not sure I wanted to learn. And in the end, it's all for him anyway, so who am I to wish for anything different? I truly believe I am right where he wants me and that is always a good feeling.
I totally understand this. I cleaned a relatives house during high school and felt super awkward about it, even though it was a job & I got paid. I feel like there is a lot of stigma attached to that position, even though I would consider a cleaning lady a wonderful blessing if I was able to afford it.
ReplyDeleteMy first summer before college I worked at a daycare and would sub sometimes in the kitchen to make extra money. Two words hair-net and that was the one year my mother decided to write a family letter! She put "works in the kitchen" in the thing! Fortunately I was as gracious as Princess Kate about it! 😂 was not! My title now is office manager and why is it I cringe when someone says secretary! I get it, thankful for grace!
ReplyDeleteI so get this. I work at a credit union and feel so weird when telling people what I do because I went to college so it's a shame I'm "just" a teller.
ReplyDeleteI forget my literal hands and your literal hands work blessing every day. We won't always see it but we'll never know how paper money and a little less clutter will help a person to breathe easier. And, that, I think, is how a lot of kingdom work is: unassuming and under the surface.
Thanks for sharing girl! What a great reminder, love your vulnerability!! xoxo Katie
ReplyDeleteI hear ya girl! I'm 25, married and I work at a movie theater as a manager. I have my masters and so it crushes me a little inside when I tell people what I currently do for work!! Hang in there xox
ReplyDeleteDefinitely hang in there. I have no doubt that there are a great many wonderful things in your future! There are bound to be. In the meantime, just note the unique little things about this phase of your career, right? You're like a fairy to your clients!!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling. In our culture of career-based identity, I often find it difficult to remember I'm so much more than just my job. I'm many things, the most important of which is a beloved child of God . . . which also makes me called to servanthood. I admire both your vulnerability and your underlying confidence that you are right where God wants you to be. I would love to say that about myself with as much conviction as you do.
ReplyDelete::hugs::
ReplyDeletepride is an evil thing and so hard to swallow.
personally i love cleaning, and i think i would enjoy cleaning houses (yes, i'm weird), but i know what you mean about telling people "that's what i do for a living". and as weird and superficial as this sounds i still get that way with my current job. "so what did you go to school for?" ..."youth ministry" i reply "ahh how do you like that?" "well i was a youth pastor for a few years, things didn't pan out that way...and now i'm working for a commercial real estate company"...and then i get that look.
ugh.
I totally get it! I had that problem when I was a nanny and I still have it as a receptionist. I always wanted/want to clarify my job title with "But I'm smart and have a college degree" but really it all boils down to pride.
ReplyDeleteI love this and I love you. And me at 25 is so not what I expected. Which is okay and just the worst and just the best, just depending on the second I'm thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteI admire you so much for your vulnerability and your awesome faith. Good things are headed your way. You're such a creative person and a beautiful writer and reader, and the parts of your days filled with these things are just as important as the parts of your day that provide you with an income. xx
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