Friday, July 26, 2013

from my notebook

Who I am, right now: I am barely twenty-four years old, currently unemployed as of last Friday. There is chipped red nail polish on my nails and an iced coffee in my hand. I guess I should be home searching for jobs, but do I ever do the logical thing? Sealing my fate into yet another receptionist job does not sound like a fun summer activity on this perfect sunny day. Instead I am at a coffeehouse with my navy and blue striped bag full of books. This is only my second day of unemployment, after all, and I need a break. Everyone deserves a week or two of summer. Right?

I've been able to listen--to myself, to God, to the poems hiding in each moment. And that's hard to do when you're driving to work at seven and driving home at five, each hour already planned out. I like the freedom of setting my own schedule, saying, "You know, I think I'll dabble in watercolor today." It wouldn't be healthy to live like this for very long, of course, but I'll take it while I can get it.

* * *
It's chilly in the apartment and it looks deceivingly cold outside, with the grey and the shadows under every leaf. I'm tempted, in the dark of this room, to wish secretly for autumn--for Irish sweaters and chunky glasses and hair in a fat bun, taking long walks to coffee shops on cool mornings. I'm tempted to wish for apple cider in my crock pot and Trevor in a beanie and the magic that falls with the leaves. But I stop myself because this day was once longed for, too--bare feet and ice cream and midnight swims under a full moon. Parks, porches, and a certain spontaneity unique to the summertime.
* * *

This is the first slight shift of seasons I've had since moving here, and I guess that's natural--we've been here three months, a whole season (hard as that is to believe.) The first months were this: adjustment, new faces, falling in love with every neighborhood and street corner, rearranging furniture, making friends over Mexican food and our favorite stories to embellish, panicking about and getting settled into jobs.

And now we're happily settled and this is where we live. I'm obviously back to square one as far as jobs are concerned, but I don't have that panicky, what-is-my-life feeling. Everything was go go go the first months, breathless and exhilirating. And now God has so mercifully given me a moment to pause and reflect on all he's done for us here. A time to rest my racing thoughts and prepare myself (or rather, let him prepare me) for whatever is next.


  1. This was so beautifully written. While I'm sad that you are facing the looming darkness of unemployment {I so know how that is} I'm so glad you are taking some positive time for yourself.

    If it makes you feel any better, I'm secretly longing for autumn too. =)

  2. I love that you are counting on God to provide and looking at this time of unemployment as a blessing. It truly is awesome to not be on the go all the time. Enjoy it while it lasts!! :)

  3. I can so relate to you right now, Heather! I just found out that two of my top schools are ending their teaching programs. Upon learning this, I felt like it was the end of a dream. It might be, but what I've taken from this life change (and unemployment situation) is that it's all in God's timing and that just because something's not "happening" in my eyes now, it doesn't mean my life's ending (in the sarcastic sense). Thank you for reminding me that there is beauty in quiet times in our lives. It's truly a blessing, isn't it? :)

  4. Unemployment can definitely be a blessing in disguise sometimes. As Kiki said above, there is beauty in the quiet times of our lives. Keep embracing those little moments you find for yourself :) This is just lovely.

  5. Preach it, sister! I didn't have a job for the first three months of marriage. It was a stressful but incredibly blessed time getting to spend those first months of marriage figuring out how to be a wife (also, cooking and decorating--but mostly cooking). Enjoy it while it's here! Here's to hoping your next job will be one of those joyful positions that just "fits" you.


Thanks for reading! I reply to comments via email, so make sure you're not a no-reply blogger! xo

T I C K L E D Y E L L O W © 2013.

Design by The Blog Boat