awkward: college edition

College: almost as awkward as my orange eyebrows.

- My first day as a college student. I was chatting with a couple of my friends from high school, one of whom was a guy I'd secretly had a crush on for years. I was heading out the door, smiling and batting my eyes at this guy, when suddenly every single alarm in the building went off. I had gone out the emergency exit. In front of this guy I'd been trying so hard to impress. Fortunately, he still married me a few years later.

- On one particularly sunny day, I pulled on my sunglasses as I walked across campus. The moment I put them on, I knew something was odd. Something was messing with my vision, but I just shook it off, assuming that my contacts were just blurry. When I got inside and inspected them, however, I saw that one of the lenses had popped out. I had walked across the entire campus with one lens out of my sunglasses.


- My many attempts at intramural sports. sigh. I was one of those girls who always made excuses to sit out during gym class--I hate sports and exertion in general.

 But, inspired by the many talks we were given as college freshmen about finding our "niche", I was eager to fit in somewhere...anywhere. So I tried intramural soccer. Fail. Tennis. Fail. Flag football...major fail. Who knew that all the girls were actual athletes who were the freaking all stars on their high school teams? They meant business and had no patience for little me saying, "Yeah, can we talk about what an interception is again?" Needless to say, I made no friends this way.



- Riding my unicycle. So, if you didn't know, I have a unicycle. Because why not, you know? But I was always too embarrassed to ride around campus (not the sort of thing you want to do if you don't enjoy drawing attention to yourself.)

 At my job on campus, my coworkers kept begging me to ride it to work, so I finally gave in. Much to my surprise, however, the day I rode it also happened to be the day when hundreds of high school kids were visiting the campus. And they were ALL staring at me and laughing and following around like I was the freaking pied piper. Not sure what that did for the school's image, really. And I never rode the stupid thing on campus again.


- That time (okay, one of the many times) I rushed a sorority. You can probably imagine the awkardness without further commentary, but let me just expound on that.

So I was sitting in the interview in my very best outfit, trying not to be intimidated by the thirty girls staring me down. The interviewer asked, "If you were an animal, what would you be?" (That should have been my first clue.)

And I said the first thing that popped in my mind. (A major character flaw, really.) "Oh, I'd be a sea turtle. Because, you know, they're just kinda slow..." I did not get into the sorority.


- Speaking of interviews, I interviewed for a job on campus that I was really, really hoping to get. And, just like the sorority girls, they asked me this one ridiculous question: "If you were a car part, what would you be?" A car part. Coming up with intelligent answers on the spot is not my thing, apparently.

"I'd be the fuzzy dice." I know. "Because, I mean, they don't really serve a purpose; they just kinda hang out..."

Blank stares.

"But they're fun!"

I basically told them that I don't serve a purpose and just kinda hang out. 

I surprisingly did not get the job. But I do have fuzzy dice hanging in my car to this day.