some random thoughts

I've been feeling uninspired and unmotivated lately. In a bit of a slump, if you will. So for lack of any amusing stories or insights, I give you my stream of consciousness. 

I'm reading a book on French parenting, Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. Don't get excited. I am nowhere near ready to give birth to an actual child (I want an epidural just thinking about it.) In fact, I picked it up hoping that it might make me a little less turned off to the idea of procreating. It seems like most young moms are completely devoted to their kids, wearing sweatpants every day and showering once a week. It's commendable, to be sure, but it also scares the crap out of me. I like showers. I like quiet afternoons with a stack full of library books. I like sleep.

But this book explores parenting a la the French (not sure if I used that "a la" correctly, but let's just go with it.) I'm not one of those girls who is in love with Paris or anything French-related although chocolate croissants are my own personal heaven but I like these French moms. They're stylish, they wear makeup, they love their kids but don't let them run their lives. It's an interesting read, regardless of  your views on parenting.

In other news, I have given up coffee. For two weeks I have been drinking tea instead of coffee in the mornings (and, let's be honest, pretty much the entire day). Much to my surprise, I still have a personality. Phew. 

I decided to give it up because of this new health kick the hubs and I are on. I'll spare you coffee addicts my reasoning behind giving up coffee in particular. I wouldn't want to hear it, either. But I will say that coffee is the one thing I thought I could truly never live without. When people would tell me I needed to stop drinking so much, I would say, "But coffee is my liiiiiiiife!" Coffee to me was what eyeliner is to Kate Middleton. It was my trademark.

And, although I have had some headaches here and there, quitting has been so much easier than I expected. I feel better. I don't even really miss it (confession: I do allow myself a cup a week and when I drink it, I think, "What? All the hype for this?"). 

Lately I'm feeling overwhelmed by the silliest things. It seems like there are so many things I want to learn, do, accomplish. Even though I'm only twenty-three, I keep telling myself, "Do it now! Time's running out; you're going to have a full-time job soon, kids someday. This is your last shot at doing everything you ever wanted to do!" And what's sad is that I'm stressing about filling my day with the most ridiculous things. 

I want to master calligraphy with the pens I got for Christmas. I want to practice watercolor again. I want to learn how to play that ukulele hanging on the wall. I want to complete the half-finished manuscript that's been hibernating in my laptop. I want to exercise. I even want to embroider. I think what I really need is a life. It's ridiculous to get so stressed about hobbies, I know. Some people actually have real problems to worry about. But it is what it is. Maybe I just need to prioritize.  

Trevor and I are going on yet another trip this weekend for yet another job interview, and I'm still crazy-excited. Still putting way too much thought into what color I should paint my nails. Still researching apartments and local coffee (er, tea) shops. Whatever happens, I am hopeful and confident that God is looking out for us. It's going to be good.