Tuesday, April 30, 2013

on seasons and starbucks

After a long day alone, while Trevor was at work, I happened upon a Starbucks only minutes from my apartment. I ordered an Earl Grey and handed my last Starbucks gift card to the unsmiling barista, silently praying I had just enough money left on it for my tea. We are both still looking for jobs (Trevor's job at the church is part-time), and are trying to be as careful as possible with our spending.

I need a job, not only for the financial aspect, but as something to fill my long days; a place to, oh I don't know, interact with people. The loneliness was weighing on me heavily last week, each day stretching into the next until I couldn't tell them apart. I spent hours on the couch devouring cheesy chick-lit novels and endless amounts of tortilla chip crumbs. I was lazy and irritable, determined to believe the lie that I would be forever stuck in a cycle of yoga pants and messy buns.

I had just learned that I would not be getting the job as I had been counting on and, aside from the pathetic array of choices in the Job Finder newsletter in front of me (which was nothing but ads for cruise trips and rosacea pills), I didn't have too many options.

After trashing the Job Finder, I sat by the window with my tea and Margaret Feinberg book, desperate to hear through its pages that God was there, that He had a plan for me. And I did, and He does. I was there for hours, teary eyes racing across the pages as love and grace worked its way back into my heart.

I think, in this season of blurried vision and unclear direction, God is asking me what my foundation is. Is it in Him or is it in the things I can see and grab onto for a momentary sense of security? I have decided I want it to be Him. This entire move is such a God-thing; all for His glory. It's not supposed to be an easy ride intended for own personal comfort, it's a season of growth and renewal. And I'm so thankful for His process, for all that He's teaching me.

I'm through with this "woe is me" attitude that leads to entirely too much tortilla chip consumption. I'm ready to receive what He has for me right now, with or without answers or certainties, with or without immediate gratifications. And for the first time since moving here, I am totally at peace.


  1. I just got married and moved to the new town at the start of this year, and I know exactly how you feel. A lot of times people don't understand why you can't just be happy with being newlywed, and how you could possibly be lonely at such an exciting time in your life, but you can.

    I hope you find the most amazing job that God has handpicked for you very soon!



  2. I know how you feel! My husband is in the Army and we moved to Southern AL after our wedding...and I had been in NYC in grad school before this. Culture shock, needless to say! Additionally, I'm trained as a classical pianist and there just aren't the kinds of opportunities here that I'd planned on having once I graduated from grad school. Anyway, long story short....it's hard being in a transitional phase or a place where you don't feel totally settled, or a place where you don't feel like you have the opportunities to do what you're meant to do (yet, anyway). Wishing you lots of luck and blessings! :)

  3. Oh girl this resonates with my heart SO much! I feel like every season is a constant reminder: what's my foundation? God, or _________? It's amazing how I'll reach that junction, and then find myself in the same place a few days or weeks later with something entirely different. How easily I make my focus on other things in this world.

    Thankful that God is patient, and faithful to pull our eyes back to Him. And reallyyy thankful for that peace that you're talking about. It's the best.

  4. Those last two paragraphs spoke to me in volumes. I've been trying to beg God to let my ride be easier for my comfort. And that's where I've been trying to place my foundation, on comfort. But I too want my foundstion to be only God. May God continue to bless you immensely.

  5. praise the Lord. i am reading 1000 gifts and it is reminding me that every stage - every day is a gift. i can chose to be thankful for it and live free in the blessing or i can choose to stress, wallow in sadness and life not going my way and reject the Lord and His gifts for me.

    I know that these moments are sweet. these slow days and long times spent with Jesus will soon evaporate and you will be working and cleaning and running around like crazy. chose to feel the peace. the sweetness of these days. soon, in His timing, you will have a job and you will be busy again. for now just rest. and trust.


Thanks for reading! I reply to comments via email, so make sure you're not a no-reply blogger! xo

T I C K L E D Y E L L O W © 2013.

Design by The Blog Boat