If You Become a Youth Pastor's Wife...

If You Become a Youth Pastor's Wife...

Teenage boys will randomly show up at your house without warning, and I can guarnatee that they will need to use your bathroom. You will have to learn the hard way to never again leave your lacy pink underwear on the bathroom floor.

Occasionally, a date with your husband will be interrupted by
    
       a) a phone call from someone needing help with their boyfriend/girlfriend drama problems. Or

       b) one of the kids calling and saying that they're really lonely and really, really want to hang out, and your romantic picnic in the park turns into you and your spouse sharing a blanket by the lake with another dude.

If you are a newlywed, at some point one of the youth kids will be in your home, on your couch, and they will suddenly leap up and demand to know whether you've done it on said couch.

I'm sorry.

You will be invited to more birthday parties than you were all of your years in elementary and middle school combined. It will become a fun game to guess exactly what food will be served at each party. "Barbeque potato chips and store bought cupcakes! I win again!"

You will have to invest in a one-piece bathing suit. Even if you have an abnormally long torso and haven't been able to fit into one since you were eight.

When out with the youth group, strangers will always assume you are an adolescent and part of the youth group. Just another reason to wait a while before getting pregnant.

You will be exposed to more punk rock Christian bands than you ever knew existed.

You try to inspire them and hopefully teach them something, but you always end up learning so much more from them. And they'll kind of steal your heart a little bit.

weekend recap

i just wanted to pop in and say a huge thank you to all of you who prayed for/encouraged me this weekend as I led the middle school girls in our Youth Retreat. IT WORKED.

The girls were just plain adorable and so much fun. We danced to Taylor Swift and took silly pictures and had some serious discussions on which nail polish colors would match their outfits. And we even talked about Jesus and how much He loves each of them.

We were all on the bus on our way home Saturday night and they were all laughing and pulling pranks and I realized how much I love these kids.

 I have never loved being a youth pastor's wife. It was a hard role to transition into. But for the first time, I didn't feel like I was just getting through another youth event. I was having fun. I was teaching them about Jesus and, really, teaching myself. I love each and every one of those little boogers. Even the boys who spit tobacco juice by my feet and accidentally step on my toes in their big cowboy boots.

I never figured out how to fit into this culture that rides bulls and wears confederate flag t-shirts. I just don't get it. But I do get that God has an incredible purpose for each of them. And at the end of the day we all need the same God, the same grace. Rebellious teenagers, rednecks, a youth pastor's wife in nude heels--we're all kind of the same.

I've mentioned it a little before, but we are not planning on staying here much longer. We're feeling called to something we never could have imagined for ourselves a few months ago, and we're preparing to move forward. This was probably our last major youth event. And I'm so grateful that I was a part of it. So grateful for all they taught me.

ministering through glitter nail polish

I'm doing something this weekend that I swore I'd never do again.

I'm leading the Bible study for our annual winter youth retreat.

Last year I naively volunteered to lead a group and it was a disaster. I was just married, totally new to this youth pastor stuff, and didn't have any idea what I was doing. With a roomful of eyes staring at me, I squeaked out a lesson, inwardly cringing the entire time. Everyone was dead silent,  blinking and curious to see what the new youth pastor's wife had to say. It was a lot of pressure. And I hated it.

But, much to my surprise, I agreed to do it again this year, this time with the middle school girls. Maybe I'm a little more comfortable around the kids, or maybe I don't feel as much pressure since I know Trevor and I won't be youth pastors much longer please, Lord.

This "leader" stuff has never come naturally to me, and I don't particularly enjoy it. I don't know the right things to say. I don't know how to lead young, impressionable girls out of Justin Bieber-centered conversations and into Jesus.

But at least now I know it's not my strength. I know it's not something I'm particularly good at, so I won't be as shocked and embarrassed if it doesn't go the way I imagined it would.

And I may not have many words of wisdom, but at least I can say, "Hey, I've been twelve before. I know what it's like." Maybe they don't need more answers; maybe they just need someone a little bit older than them to say, "I, too, have made the mistake of cutting my own bangs. I, too, have had crushes on boys named Chris who had buck teeth and wore too much hair gel."

I, too, have worn a sparkly top to the school dance, only to realize later that I had worn it backwards the entire night. (At least now I know why no one asked me to slow dance.)

I hate cowl neck shirts to this day.

I probably won't say anything particularly moving or life changing. But I can pull on my Hollister sweatpants and glittery nail polish and meet them where they're at. I can bake them cinnamon rolls and let them beat me at "Just Dance". (Let's be honest, even my husband beats me at Just Dance.)

Trevor asked me once, if I could do one thing to help people, what would it be? And I thought about it a while and finally said, "I would want to help people feel understood."

I know what it's like to feel awkward and out of place. In middle school, at parties, at church. And I want to let those middle school girls know, in probably the most awkward stage in their lives, that they're not alone. If nothing else, I want to create an environment that says, "Hey, you can be real here. You can be you."

Because I need that, too. I need to get comfy and be myself. Heather the Youth Pastor's wife won't be there this weekend, but Heather who slides on hardwood in her socks and says "like" too much will. I like her better, anyway.

image via

i didn't want to be a pastor's wife

I thought I loved church until I became engaged to a pastor.

I was over-the-moon ecstatic to be getting married, but I was also scared out my mind. Scared to be a wife, yeah...kinda. But mostly scared to be a pastor's wife. 

From the very beginning, I let fear control my thoughts until I was convinced that vocational ministry would be nothing short of miserable.

I thought being a pastor's wife and church secretary would slowly steal my soul, one bulletin at a time. It didn't help that the church I would be at was very traditional, where charisma and loud personalities were celebrated. (How does a quiet girl fit into a Charismatic church?) The type of place where I would be automatically be seen as Trevor's co-youth pastor.

And I didn't know how to do that. I was quiet and shy and most definitely not a leader type. I couldn't be the gregarious, "Hey girlfriend, let me pray for you" type that I thought I was supposed to be. I didn't think I was a good enough Christian to lead others.

I wanted to be a good partner for Trevor. But I didn't think I could do it, so I built up a wall and put myself on the defense as soon as we were married. I decided that it was Trevor's job, not mine. 

I wanted to do everything possible to make sure my life would not consist solely of church socials, barbecues, and Sunday School classes. I was twenty-two for goodness' sake. Ain't nobody got time for that!

I loved Jesus and wanted to serve Him, but I began to question if church was a good way to do that. I reached the point where I even questioned if going to church was best for my spiritual growth. If Trevor and I had not been on staff, I'm sure I would have taken a break from church altogether.

I wish I could say I had some sort of epiphany where I realized how selfish and prideful I was being. But it was something I had to learn over time. 

I had to learn to be brave. I had to realize that I didn't have to be a spiritual giant to be a pastor's wife. I didn't have to have all of Ephesians memorized. I didn't have to be bouncing around during worship. I didn't have to worry about what people expected of me.

Most importantly, I didn't have to shut myself off to people just because I didn't agree with all of their beliefs and methods.

I'm still in a learning process, but I'm beginning to see that I only have to be me.

I can support my husband in ministry, even if it's mostly behind the scenes. I know that God has put me here for a reason--not just Trevor. God uses people in their weakness and inadequecies--even a pastor's wife who doesn't like going to Sunday School.