chipping away

I have become very acquainted with this apartment in the past few months. We're soul mates in every way: I love it, I get sick of it. We spend a lot of time together and our relationship is "complicated" but I do, for the most part, love my quiet days here.

I sit between silence of these walls, listening for I don't even know what. Eventually work will pick up, life will get crazy, and I won't be walking to the mailbox just to say I got outside. These days won't stay forever. I sometimes try to put myself in my nineteen, twenty year old mind. Where did I imagine I would be at twenty-four? What kind of a wife/woman/person did I hope to be? Sometimes it's hard to remember. 

But I think, I hope, that I would be happy with the way things are turning out. From an outsider's perspective, I probably look lazy. Staying in my pajamas for just a little too long, clicking away quietly on my laptop. It doesn't look like I'm chasing after dreams, taking risks. But I am. These little moments are adding up. The words I punch into the laptop are forming chapters which will one day become a book. It's silly and cutesy, even, but it's a dream nonetheless.

And maybe that's the point of this post. That the quiet chipping away we do actually has meaning, probably more so than the more exciting, dramatic life events that I write in all caps in my planner. "BECOME A WRITER" somehow never ends up on the calendar. But I like to think that that's what's really happening.

on inspiration

I woke up late the other morning, past eight, maybe because I didn't hear Trevor when he left early for work. I sipped on my lukewarm coffee and sat down to my desk, sweatpants and T-shirt on. This has, more or less, been my routine the past few weeks. Sometimes I wake up early, clean the kitchen, make the bed, get dressed in real clothes and do my makeup. And other times I head straight to the writing room. But every day I manage to complete my daily word count for my book, which usually ranges between a thousand and two thousand words.

I take little breaks (mostly due to my ADD. As in, oh look, time to clip my nails. Or, Wow, that was a good paragraph. Time to organize my bookshelf by color), usually finishing in time to buy groceries or do laundry or read for a bit. But writing has filled my days, and it's become strangely normal, like this is the thing I've been waiting to do all along.

I'm linking up with Jenny Highsmith again for her "Let's Make Habits" series, and the prompt this week is about inspiration and staying motivated.

And boy have I needed that lately.

Even with this unexpected rush of energy and committed-ness to my manuscript, I still hit a bit of a road block about a week in. I'd been writing so fast, so mindlessly almost, that I paused one day and wondered, "Is this real? Is this really happening or am I just wasting my time? How does this fiction thing work, anyway, and what if I'm doing it all wrong?"

I needed some fresh inspiration.

I took a break one morning, after writing a page or so, and just sat down with my journal. Instead of worrying about character motivation or dialogue, I just wrote. And it felt good. Isn't it funny how, when you write long enough, you begin to uncover solutions to your own problems?

I realized that I was reading too much nonfiction; I needed to immerse myself in a world of someone else's story. To get reaquainted with the pacing and technique used by another writer. So I went to the library and came home with a stack of books with pretty covers.

And they were exactly what I needed. They reminded me that finishing a story will not only be worth it, but that it's also possible.

It makes me cringe to write about this, my "book". It's embarrassing, something I don't even talk about in real life. My poor husband doesn't even know what the book's about. But somehow putting it all out here keeps me accountable, and the encouragement you've given has helped propel me forward. So here's to another week at it.

on goals and writing

I am a woman of many goals. Ever since I graduated from college I've had this time-to-get-down-to-bizness sense of urgency shaping the way I spend my time. As a creative soul, there are so many things I want to try, but none I've really excelled in. I want to dabble in watercolor, get better at photography, figure out this blogging thing, learn to cook (heh.), learn to play my ukulele, decorate my apartment. And I've dabbled in a little of each this year, but I haven't whole-heartedly pursued any one thing.


I'm beginning to accept that I don't have to do it all. Not all at once anyway. It's time to really hone in on that one thing that I don't think I could live without (dramatic much?) And for me that is writing. I've been flirting with an idea for a book for over a year now but, well, as my dating record would tell you I'm not all that good at flirting.


I tried several times to write the thing. Each time I wrote, the story changed shape until it didn't at all resemble what I originally dreamed up. And I liked that. I liked watching it evolve and become something bigger than I imagined. As I've been in and out of temp jobs recently, I've had a lot of time to dedicate to this little story in my head. But the sitting down to write part? It was tough, miserable at first. Have any of you tried to write a book? Gosh, it's awful.


I always insisted that I was not an outliner, that I would fly by the seat of my pants because that's the artsy way to do it. And I would get a few chapters in and get stuck. And become suddenly so interested in scrubbing the bathtub instead.


But this time has been different. I've grown attatched to these characters and I'm determined to get their story written down. So I've forced myself to outline the whole dang book. Two or more pages of an outline for each chapter. And the one thing I always I said I would never do is actually working. For once, my hand is flying across the page and I don't want to stop. The story is taking shape and I'm pretty tickled about it. This is happening.


I don't know why I'm writing about this. Maybe you are so not into writing and this is boring the pants off of you. That's a saying, right? Actually, maybe not since that makes zero sense. Well. Here's what I'm trying to say: if you are stuck, frustrated that you haven't accomplished any of your 2013 goals, maybe it's time to approach it in a different way. Even if it's a way you insisted would never work for you. Look at it with a fresh perspective and begin to strategize a little.


I've had to learn the hard way that these things don't just happen on their own, no matter how badly I want them to. They require work and planning, which may not sound too fun, but it makes it all so much easier in the long run.


Here are my practical goals for the next two months:

- Finish the entire outline of the story
- Complete the first draft of the first 15 chapters


So that's me. What are you (still) dreaming of accomplishing this year?

Linking up with Jenny Highsmisth today (and for the next few weeks) for her goals series.

to the writer (and artist, in general)

"In a country of professionals, we learn to apologize for our hobbies, our weekend pursuits, the passion for rocks or country inns or forensic pathology that keeps us up late into the night. 'I'm just an amateur,' we whisper, half ashamed of the work and devotion that neither pays the bills nor wins the prizes. But where would out world be without amateurs?

With or without formal training, with or without the promise of a paycheck, with or without support, they pursue their heart's desire. Hence, the name amateur, from amare, 'to love'. If you find yourself apologizing for being 'just an amateur,' stop yourself. Remind yourself of the passion and energy that sustain your life's work, and use that passion and energy to fuel your writing."

Rebecca McClanahan
Write Your Heart Out

to the writer

This week has been a whirlwind. The kind where you basically have to schedule bathroom breaks. It's fun, the good and fulfilling kind of busy, but I haven't had a spare moment to pull out my yellow notebook, put on the tea, and lose myself in a world of words.

It's funny, because I had actually been in a bit of a writing slump this past month. Am I writing because I'm feeling inspired or because I know I should? Am I wasting my time? Does it even matter? These thoughts made me shy around my notebook.

And then this week happened. And I have been desperate to capture my thoughts and stories on paper, feeling all giddy and anxious about it, so eager to write that it's almost embarassing.

So I would say to you, if you are feeling stuck or uninspired or doubtful about whether this writing shiz is really for you, break the rules. You know, the one that says to write every day. Because sometimes you just run out of stuff to say. So take a break, have long conversations with friends, eat really good food. Just take in life and your well will slowly refill without you even noticing.



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to the writer

"You are going to have to give and give and give, or there's no reason for you to be writing. You have to give from the deepest part of yourself, and you are going to have to go on giving, and the giving is going to have to be its own reward. There is no cosmic imporance to your getting something published, but there is in learning to be a giver."

Bird by Bird

Anne Lamott

How does one "give" with their writing? I'm still working on this one, but I'm thinking it has something to do with being a truth-teller, writing things that are true and that matter in even the smallest way. I think it means not giving the cheap, easy way out but writing from the depths of ourselves in a way that gives readers the sense that they are not alone. Thoughts?

to the writer

The best inspiration.

"What people don't realize is that writing is physical. It doesn't have to do with thought alone. It has to do with sight, smell, taste, feeling, with everything being alive and activated. The rule for writing practice of 'keep your hand moving' not stopping, actually is a way to physically break through your mental resistance...You are physically engaged with the pen, and your hand, connected to your arm, is pouring out the record of your senses."

Natalie Goldberg
Writing Down the Bones

Just for fun, try stepping away from you computer and write in a notebook or on looseleaf paper. It's slower than typing, but doing it the "old fashioned" way makes me feel more connected to whatever it is I'm writing. Sitting in a coffee shop, huddled over my favorite fat yellow notebook and penning out whatever thoughts come in my familiar, tiny handwriting...this makes the act of writing itself an inspiration.

I like to write on paper first, scrawling and random, and then write the final draft on my laptop. It's a way of tricking my mind into realizing that the fat yellow notebook = playtime and the laptop = getting down to business. Try it this week and see if it gives you a little more freedom.


What are your favorite writing tricks?